Mar 06 2008
A Lesson in Flattery
In both business and social environments I have always been one to avoid compliments and flattery. I think my thought pattern went something like this:
“If they look nice they know they look nice, so why tell them? I’ll just look like every other suckup.”
Of course what I have always failed to take into account is that well, people tend to be insecure and unsure of themselves. Even if we were to forget about insecurities, well, we just love compliments. Why do I wear an expensive watch or does lady wear a designer dress? To get noticed! So of course people love it when you notice.
This all kind of came together today with the last nail in the coffin. The last few days I’d been feeling overly tired, and despite seeing some legendary speakers on Wednesday a bit out of gas. This morning after over sleeping I decided that was all going to end right there. I threw on my shoes and started what ended up being an epic 20km run.
As I was running through Stanley Park feeling ambitious, pumped up and energized again I saw an interesting looking gentleman drawing something, we made eye contact and he motioned for me to remove my headphones. As I approached I realized he was much more interesting that I could have hoped for. In an attempt to get me to write him a cheque for a few thousand to support his journey to Hollywood to be a comedy writer he told me how ambitious and successful I looked. It was as I “ran” away that I realized how good I was feeling from his obviously contrived compliment. Here is a situation where:
- The person flattering me is clearly doing so because he wants something
- The flattery is empty as he doesn’t really know me at all, and of course is using it to get something
- The person flattering me holds no significant social value in my eyes (not a mentor, role model, parent, boss, friend etc)
Despite all these factors, well, it felt good to hear (almost as good as when this really cute girl caught me singing “Mr.Brightside” to myself and gave me a smile). Whats the moral of the story? Well it isn’t to go out and throw empty compliments at everyone you meet. I’d also be careful complimenting those who tend to hear nothing but praise as you’ll blend into the masses who tell them the same things day in and day out. What I am suggesting is that the next time you notice some-one’s shoes, new haircut or the graceful way they carry themselves, tell them. I’m going to try and compliment 25 strangers over the next week, what is your goal?
